1. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
  2. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile and go back for more.
  3. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
  4. Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.
  5. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Frank. How's your day been?"
  6. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
  7. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
  8. Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on ask if they have an appointment.
  9. Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.
  10. Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.
  11. Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
  12. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
  13. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
  14. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
  15. Swat at flies that don't exist.
  16. Tell people that you can see their aura.
  17. Call out, "group hug!" Then, enforce it.
  18. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering "Shut up! All of you! Just shut up!"
  19. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
  20. Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
  21. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM" and back away slowly.
  22. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
  23. Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
  24. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
  25. Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on."
  26. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space."
  27. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
  28. Blow your nose loudly into a tissue, then stare at the tissue in horror.
  29. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
  30. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
  31. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
  32. Shave.
  33. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
  34. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
  35. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
  36. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
  37. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
  38. Do Tai Chi exercises.
  39. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
  40. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
  41. Meow occassionally.
  42. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
  43. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
  44. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
  45. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
  46. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
  47. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
  48. Leave a box between the doors.
  49. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
  50. Play the harmonica.
  51. Shadow box.
  52. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
  53. Lean against the button panel.
  54. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
  55. Bring a chair along.
  56. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
  57. Blow spit bubbles.
  58. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
  59. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
  60. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
  61. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
  62. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
  63. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
  64. When the doors close, menacingly announce that "It's going to be a bumpy ride."
  65. Constantly bounce a tennis ball.
  66. Stand in the corner reading a telephone book, laughing.
  67. Turn off the lights in the elevator to "conserve energy."
  68. Push your floor button with your nose.
  69. Stand alone, and when the doors open tell people trying to get on that the car is full and that they should wait for the next one.
  70. Thank all the passengers for not talking.
  71. Push the top floor button and announce that you tried to kill yourself yesterday but the other building wasn't high enough.
  72. Talk to people about the "golden age of elevators in the 50's."
  73. Jump rope.
  74. Speak into a makeup compact, saying "Breaker, Breaker" like it's a CB microphone.
  75. When anyone gets on, announce you are riding to the top. When anyone gets out, call them a quitter.
  76. Hum the theme song to Mission Impossible while continuing to check your watch.
  77. Announce that you are "part cat." Then drop on all fours and start rubbing against people's legs.
  78. As people get on take out your wallet and show everyone all of the family pictures. Make sure you have at least 20 of them, including your dog and fish, etc.
  79. Have a friend get on the elevator with you and have him say, "Sure I'll take your case, but why did you kill the man?" Then say, "Because he kept staring at the back of my head ..."
  80. As you leave whack someone on the shoulder, shouting "TAG, you're IT", and run giggling from the car.
  81. When the elevator is close to full, pull out a calculator and demand that each personĂ‚  reveal his or her actual weight.
  82. When you get on, say "Bridge" or "Engineering."
  83. Ring the emergency bell, and shout, "All aboard!"
  84. As the elevator starts to go up, shout "To infinity and beyond!"
  85. Put a pillow in your shirt and act like you are going into labor.
  86. Greet the new comers as they enter. Announce approximate airtime, give a short weather forecast and wish them a pleasant flight.
  87. Have the passengers inflate ballons for you, throw confetti around and celebrate every new comer as "Rider of the Day."
  88. At each stop yell out in a very loud and whiny voice, "Are we here yet?"
  89. Draw a chalk outline on the floor, taking up as much space as you can. Insist that everyone squish in around the chalk outline or they'll be arrested for interfering with your investigation.
  90. Walk in with a sandwich in each hand and yell "FOOD FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!"
  91. Wildly flail your arms, and squeal, "Look at me, I can fly!"
  92. Mutter into your lapel pin "I think I have been discovered. This may be my last message. Repeat.. this may be my last message. Over."
  93. To a man, say "Joe, how have you been?" and carry on a conversation with him like you've known him forever.
  94. Introduce yourself as The Great Chief Ochenga-Wangaa and begin telling stories of your native island.
  95. Bring a water pistol and soak everyone's shoes.
  96. Frantically begin brushing off invisible bugs while screaming, "Aauggghh! Get them off! Get them off!!"
  97. Challenge your neighbor to a tic-tac-toe tournament.
  98. Make primitive chalk drawings on the wall.
  99. Crouch in a corner and growl at others who get on.
  100. When the car is full, turn to face the other passengers and say, "I'm sure you are all wondering why I called you here today...."

 

Elevator Etiquette

(or 100 ways to break with convention)

elevator2
chantrill